Another day and another day out on the rock trying to push my limits, the difference with this day was the over whelming sense of fear.
This was my first day out climbing for a few weeks, and decided to go to Rivelin, a very picturesque crag in the Peak District. I decided my warm up climb would be a slabby E1called Better Late than Never. A lovely climb in its self, as I moved up the slab I could feel my heart beat raising and the nerves starting to shred apart, for some reason my confidence in my slab climbing ability started to waver. Keeping strictly to the left of the route I slowly edged my way up the route, having placed a runner at 1/3 height I kept going eventually getting 3/4 up the route and finally my nerves were shot, I only had one bit of gear in and I started to panic and look around more options, I could escape right but I desperately wanted to complete the route, finally using the right arete and a small sandy scoop at arms length I managed to just stand up and make the final easy moves to the top. At the top I was shaking but so happy to be there. First route of the day and the first decision of whether to back off or keep going, this time I went with the later.
After brining up my second it was decided to do Scarlett's Chinmey. A route graded VS 4b, so should have been well with in my grade. Making my way up the corner towards the crack the moves were great and upon reaching the chimney I placed my first bit of gear. I let out a sigh of getting some gear in, making the next moves I start getting into the chimney. It looks so tight, how can I chimney this. I place another bit of gear and start to struggle and can feel my arms pumping, I down climb to my first gear placement to rest and then go at it again realising where my feet need to go. Getting into the chimney proper I start to panic, my whole body is feeling tired of pushing against the rock, I want to get some gear into a bomber placement but as I retrieve my nuts from my harness to my horror I see that the karabiner holding the nuts got caught on something and the nuts tumbled down the chimney to the ground. Luckily I was left with two nuts and of the right size, but, in my panic I wedge the wrong size nut into the crack unable to get it out I clip it. realising there is no turning back I start to make my way up the chimney edging my feet and body up bit by bit until eventually I reach a big ledge where I can get my breath back, I finish up the route this time with a lot more ease. Unfortunately my second cant make the route or retrieve the gear ( I managed to get one but not the nut I got stuck oh well). What a climb, never have I been so stressed on a climb that should be within my grade. Thats what chimneys do to you.
We decided to take things a bit easier and do a vdiff, just to chill out. once done I decided to do the route left of Better Late than Never call Left Edge graded VS 4c. This route was a joy, slightly bold and delicate but to me easy no question. My climbing partner wanted to lead a trade route something he hadnt done before. I found a nice little number another VDiff with lots of gear, setting off he placed the gear, slightly spaced out, his lack of experience meaning he missed easy gear placements, 3/4 up he got to the crux, not able to find gear placements he made the choice to go for the top luckily he made it. While he found his anchors for a belay I decided I would start soloing up the route, as soon as I started I found this route was tougher than it appears, making my way I felt the fear creep in, why, why was this happening again. Where was the confidence I had on so many routes. Was it the absence of my usual climbing partner, who has allowed me to progress so much and complete routes I would never have done without him. I continued up the route reaching the crux, my second looked over not believing what I was doing. Seeing the moves needed I committed to the crux, I couldn't down climb and my second had not set up a top rope yet, I went for it and topped out to my relief.
5 routes down, 3 of which had called me to question what I was doing but a route to come would test me even more. Fringe Benefit E1 5b and a slab, my kind of route. The start of Fringe Benefit was a little tough, almost like a problem inits self, a very small microwire gives some confidence to mantle up onto the route proper. Once on the route I started making my way across and up the slab. The climbing was good and I was feeling slightly confident though nervous at the same time. I reached the first gear placement, my foot on a semi good smear I started grabbing some gear in specific a small cam, the nerves was shaking big time, my body shaking, I tried the cam but it was bigger than the slot, I tried to slide a nut, no good. I looked around and found I had a way out, a tricky traverse to the right towards a tree. I decided to escape the route. I edged out towards the tree, balancing my way to the edge of rock by the tree. I made it down the relief was immense.
I had made the right choice, I couldn't have felt so relieved if I had fallen off and broken something. In my relaxed state I realised I had another cam on my harness, this one was smaller than the one I had tried to place, bugger. The rest of the route looked far easier. The mistake I made was not not placing the right cam but not staying calm and breathing, I was panicking and in such a state even my escape could have turned sour.
On reflection I've learned my usual climbing partner(s) have become part of my comfort zone and without them pushing beyond the comfort zone requires something else, not just a bigger set of balls. I need to make sure I re-assess the risks and the options that are available to me as I climb. I've also learned that warming up the mind and confidence is as important as warming up the body.
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